Despite the title of this article, this will not be some secret revealed that nobody has ever heard of, but rather something far too many people continue to ignore.  Despite us being in the era of “if you want to get what you want, you need to help people get what they want”, there is far too often a subtle thing people do that cost them more than they know. We often do things that impact us negatively, and we don’t realize it.  And because life does not often afford us the opportunity to get comment cards from people to see if they like us, want to be our friend, or buy from us, we lose out on information that could greatly change how successful we could be.  I believe we should all be a collector of people.  I think we should make more friends, we should make more sales, and if possible, always try to make more money.  Not only does it help improve you and your family’s life, but it is the lifeblood of a company.  If you have a business that can benefit from social media (which is almost all businesses) you want to continue to build followers as well.

Have you ever wondered why a person you thought you hit it off with finds excuses to not meet you for lunch, stops taking your calls, or answering your emails?  It is obviously possible that they have poor etiquette, they are busy, or they aren’t the people you thought they were.  It is also possible that they did not like you as much as you liked them.  It could be a simple reason.  It could be something you do or say that you have done so often it has never occurred to you that it may be off-putting.

When I have the opportunity, I always like to ask questions when I talk to people.  It is amazing what you can find out by asking. People may not tell you about what they like or don’t like about you, but you can find out alot by asking them about people they have met recently.  I like to find out what attracted them to this person (as a friend or collegue) and find out what they didn’t like about certain people.  I have found it to be very telling, and a good tool for self improvement.  Often, people don’t enjoy a persons company when  the problem is no more complex than they do something irritating that could easily be corrected.  Simply put, people are often self absorbed, and either can’t, or don’t want to  put themselves in the position of the people with whom they are speaking. I will give you a simple example.  Over the holidays, I was visiting my parents.  I am a person that pretty much lives in golf shirts and shorts.  My mother, who still thinks I am her baby, told me to put some socks on.  I said mom, I am not cold.  She says, how can you not be cold?  I said, I don’t know, I’m not cold. She said, well, I’m cold, I have socks on, you need to put socks on.  Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother dearly.  No one could ask for better parents than I have been blessed to have.  But in this case, it really hit home for me.  We often come at people from our own point of view, and because we experience something, we often expect them to experience, or have experienced what we have.  We overlook their feelings, and perspective, and we lose, sometimes for good, the chance to connect with that person.  Obviously, that is not the case with my mother.  She is a sweet, wonderful person, and by the count of how often her phone rang during our visit, she is blessed with a lot of friends. However, I would imagine, if she came across as a person who knew what was best for everyone, she would wear on people pretty quickly.  We have all been around that person who tells you to taste this, or try that, even though you have never liked that particular thing.  And you hear from them, sure, but you have never tried this. People, please!!!  It doesn’t matter, we don’t want your opinion.  I don’t like asparagus, it could be dipped in chocolate, or wrapped in cheese pizza, and I would hate it.  But I have been told by people, you would like MY asparagus.  Anything is possible, but I am not interested.  And that is the key.  When you start trying to tell people what they should do, or what they should like, instead of asking, you lose them, and maybe forever.

When you don’t give people what they want, but give them what you think they should want, it is a safe bet you will not make more friends, sales, followers, and money. It is a simple thing to correct, but it may not be easy.  Strive to make changes for the better, and you will improve your life, and those around you.  Happy New Year!!